Kale built a cult like following about a decade ago, all of a sudden this chewy leafy green was all anyone in the health community could talk about, Kale this, kale that, lets ruin a smoothie by adding kale. Don’t you know kale will fill your wrinkles, lift your butt, and make you thin?
I might be over exaggerating, but tell me that you didn’t hear someone tell you about kale back in the glory day.
News flash: It wasn’t good. Turns out, my feelings over time have changed, just as soon as I figured out you should MASSAGE the kale before you attempt to CHEW the kale.
If Amelia could talk through this page, she would probably tell you about that time I convinced her to do a no sugar January, and in preparation she made a kale smoothie and almost died by drinking it. BUT HEAR ME OUT. I’m not suggesting you kale your smoothie, I’m suggesting we pour some glorious fat on it and eat it. It’s good. promise.
This recipe came to me by way of my mother who got it from my sister in law who got it from someone else who…. I don’t know… What I’m saying is that it’s one of those ‘so good we pass it around’ type recipes.
A kale recipe that gets passed around? Getouttahere. But truly, I’m not exaggerating.
I got purple kale, because I play the grocery lottery and that’s what came in my pickup order, it’s really beautiful but it is IMPERATIVE that you remove all of the bones from the kale. Some might call these stems.
I made a vegan version of this recipe, because I like my vegan friends. (Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell you that they’re a vegan! Ba-Dum-Ching. Hi Liz and Katie). Also, I have an announcement: I prefer vegenaise to real mayo. Mayo has a weird flavor that isn’t found in vegenaise. Try it.
Adding lemon zest gives the whole salad a nice complex flavor. Don’t skip this step.
You’ll notice, if you’re making both, that the vegan recipe is ‘Yellow-er’. That’s because of the nutritional yeast.
I like to top the vegan version with sliced toasted almonds, which provides the nuttiness that you get from parmesan.
Conversely, I top the non vegan version with regular ol’ croutons because that’s also good. I like to add a crunch, but I don’t like to read the ingredients to find out if croutons are vegan (Transparency, am I right?)
If you really don’t like kale, and I haven’t sold you on trying your veggies, this dressing can be used successfully on romaine. This is also good.
All I’m asking is that you eat your veggies. Got it?